Let It Go
by lokismisunderstoodtears
Summary: Based on the prompt of what would happen if Dean went with Castiel instead of Lisa and Ben after the Swan Song. Multi-Chaptered and a bit dark so get ready for feels.
1. Chapter 1

**Let It Go** (Title in progress)

**Chapter One**

**By Sarah Nicole Hansford**

Prompt: After Sam jumps into the Pit with Lucifer and Michael, Dean gives up hunting and settles down with Castiel instead of Lisa and Ben. With Castiel, Dean tries to forget the horrors of what happened to Sam and live a normal life. (Established Destiel) Warnings: Suicidal!Dean

Dean sat against his car fighting back tears. Everything in his body hurt, his faced was bruised and battered and he had a swollen eye. He was bloody and he didn't want to think about the shape of the rest of him. Through one eye he saw Sam. Sam and Lucifer. Sam did it; he started to fall back into the pit against Lucifer's wishes but then Adam, well Michael started to grab for him. He grabbed Sam's jacket but it only made both of them fall back. Down, down, down. Out of sight and before he knew it the pit had closed up.

Dean was unable to do _anything. _He felt hopeless as he sat against the Impala and watched. He crawled over the rings lying on the ground where the pit used to be. He sat up on his knees and stared at the rings in dismay. The tears were trying desperately to escape but he couldn't let them. Even if everyone was dead or gone he had to be strong.

Dean felt a presence behind him and turned still on his knees to see Castiel and all his grace. His heart welled and he questioned, "Cas, you're alive?"

The angel gave him a sad look but responded warmly, "I'm better than that." The blue eyed angel touched Dean's face gently and Dean could feel the healing. His eye no longer swelled and the pain became dull. Dean stood to look straight into Castiel's eyes. He was still in utter disbelief.

"Cas, are you God?"

"That's a nice compliment but no. Although I do believe he brought me back. New and improved." Castiel answered before walking over to Bobby who still lied on the ground. Castiel knelt and touched Bobby and a second later Bobby sat up. Dean still had the rings in his hand when Bobby went over to him and gave him a hug. Castiel was waiting by the Impala. Without many words they went their separate ways.

"What are you going to do now, Cas?" Dean asked as they rode on the empty road. It had turned night while they drove and surprisingly Castiel had stayed without just popping in and out.

"I should go back to heaven. They must be in frenzy now with Michael gone…" Cas trailed off looking out the window and up into the skies.

Dean shook his head and protested, "No. I thought I lost you forever and you are not going up there again just to be God's bitch." He could feel Cas' blue eyes on him while he looked forward.

"Dean, I should go to bring order. My brothers and sisters are up there and they need help." Castiel responded softly.

Suddenly Dean pulled the car on the side road and stopped the Impala. Dean turned to look at Castiel and shouted at him trying to hold back tears, "And what about me, Cas?! I need help too! My brother is gone and I'm alone and I need help!" His eyes betrayed him as the tears started to spill down his cheeks but he went on, "I need you! I need you and I can't let you leave me like everyone else!"

Castiel stared at him in hidden shock with a look full of sympathy. He reached over and pulled Dean close to his chest. Dean breathed in his scent of soap and fresh linen. Dean cracked and started to sob into Castiel's trench coat and repeated quietly, "I need you…" Castiel stroked his hair gently.

Dean knew he shouldn't throw Castiel into his problems. Dean knew Castiel didn't know what to do. Dean knew that Castiel deserved to leave him. Dean knew this and yet he couldn't let Castiel go. Dean knew he needed someone there or else he would do something…stupid.

"Okay. I will stay with you. But, where will we go?" Castiel murmured into his hair between small kisses on the top of his head. Dean looked up at his beautiful angel.

"We will find somewhere…a small house maybe. Castiel I can't hunt. I just can't do it I need to stay somewhere and…oh God I can't believe I'm saying this but get a real job. Now that Sam is…I can't go back to that life now, Cas. Please I can't do it." Dean rambled on before Castiel laid a simple kiss on his lips to quiet him.

"I would never make you do that. I promise on my Father to stay with you, Dean." Castiel vowed and Dean began to wipe away his tears. He whispered his thanks before stealing another kiss and returning to the steering wheel.

It wasn't as if Dean hadn't thought about _it. _Hell, he would be lying to himself if he said it wasn't on his mind daily. But he tried to drown the thoughts with alcohol but even that wasn't helping much anymore. Dean couldn't stop thinking about what would happen, who would react, and where he would go. Would someone try to bring him back?

There seemed to be no point in helping people anymore, everyone was fucked. What was it to Dean that they died? It wasn't his responsibility. Where the hell was God in all of this anyway? Dean couldn't stop wondering about what would happen if it all…ended.

Maybe he would finally be at peace. Or just get sent back to Hell. But was Hell any worse than Earth? You were tortured either way so what was the difference?

Dean looked over to Castiel who was so oblivious to his thoughts and sighed. He couldn't leave the angel alone now that he promised to stay with Dean. Could he?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Idaho**

**By SH**

Motel after motel after motel. Town after town after town. Nothing seemed right to Dean even with Castiel by his side. The jobs were slim and boring, the people just the same. Castiel even seemed restless, his mind obviously on heaven but his body staying with Dean. During breakfast at a small diner in a small Mid-Western town Dean was shoving eggs into his mouth while looking at a newspaper for jobs, Castiel was looking at him thoughtfully a hand on the cold, untouched coffee.

"Seattle." Castiel said.

Dean looked up from his meal and swallowed the mouthful of eggs before asking, "What?"

"Jimmy has a lot of memories of trips to Seattle. It's a big city and rains a lot. I think we need a change of region and how little these towns are, they are annoying. Everyone is too friendly and looks at me weird."

"Cas, everyone looks at you weird because you don't know how to have a conversation. But, Washington? I don't know…it seems too hipster-y."

The angel looked confused and spoke uncertainly, "I do not understand that reference."

Dean smiled through a sip of his bitter, cheap coffee. He replied and took Castiel's hand in his, "They are like these weird young adults that wear glasses and take pictures of their food and wear clothes that people die in."

Castiel's face scrunched in concern, "Are they a type of monster? Will I have to smite them?"

Dean laughed with heart and kissed Castiel's hand, this felt right. Being with Cas and his awkwardness and blue, blue eyes. It felt like it should be, even if Castiel was an angel and he was a human. Dean pushed back those thoughts. "No, no. Let's do it, Seattle it is. It'll be nice going somewhere else and jobs will probably be better there."

So Dean tossed a twenty on the table and they left. Dean had to pack up his few belongings and in the Impala, on the roads, hours and hours until Seattle. Dean kept looking over to his angel sitting quietly next to him and their hands interlocked. Usually Dean wasn't one to show much affection but he needed Castiel to know how much he cared.

Dean wished he didn't need someone so much. Especially now.

Dean's memories swam to the day before Sam said yes to Lucifer. He stared at the gun in his hand for four hours and drank an entire bottle of whiskey. He could end it all, right? If only he knew he wouldn't go to Heaven or Hell and it would be over. Just over. He could have done it if he knew that there was nothing else, but he did and that stopped him.

It stopped him right?

"How's Heaven?" Dean questioned after the long silence.

"It's…at war. I don't know if my presence would disturb it or help it." The angel sighed. Dean could only nod before turning on a Guns 'n' Roses tape to fill the sudden uncomfortable silence. "Do you need to rest? Should I drive?"

Dean shook his head, it had been a full day of driving already and honestly he was tired but the thought of Castiel trying to drive was just absurd. "In Idaho we'll stop for the night and get into Washington in the morning."

In the corner of his eye Dean saw Castiel nod. A green sign popped up near the road as their light shone on it, _Clearwater, Idaho next 54 miles._ One more hour before they could get a motel. Dean started to wonder how many potatoes were in Idaho exactly. Millions? More than there are people? Does anyone even count how many potatoes there are?

"What are you think about?" Castiel asked tiredly.

Dean blurted out, "Potatoes."

A quick silence filled in the car and Castiel's brow furrowed. Dean tried to think of something to say but his witty mind betrayed him and everything was just _awkward. _The awkwardness replaced their thoughts until Castiel burst out in laughing. Dean joined in with him. _Laughing hysterically together about starch…what a life_ Dean thought to himself. The thoughts of the gun and Sam were drifting away beneath the waves of laughter, washing away from the shore of the hunter's mind into the deep sand below. Or so Dean naively thought.

After the laughs turned to chuckles to giggles to smiles they had finally arrived at a crappy motel on the very edge of Idaho. Dean checked in while Castiel stayed in the car waiting.

"One king or two queens?" the elderly desk clerk asked following Dean's glance at Castiel.

"Uh…one king. Thanks." Dean smiled and traded his credit card for a key. The old man smiled and thanked the hunter as Dean left. He motioned to Castiel and the angel followed him to a room on the third floor. Inside was a room filled with red walls and carpets, a huge bed shaped like a heart and on a redwood table were rose petals, candles, and pink champagne in ice.

"What the hell." Dean cursed under his breath still in the doorway. Castiel walked into the room and held up a heart pillow with the words _Lovers _written across it in gold.

"This was not needed, Dean." The angel mumbled looking around the room trying to decipher what everything meant.

"I-there must be a mistake, I just asked for a normal room…" Dean trailed off picking up the champagne bottle. "I'll ask for a different room."

Castiel stopped him before he got to the door holding onto a leather clad arm. "No, it's fine. You are tired and should sleep. It's just for one night anyway."

Dean shrugged, he was exhausted from the driving. _Fuck it_ he thought as he slipped off his jacket and collapsed on the over-stuffed bed. He rolled under the covers and closed his eyes instantly. The angel's stare burned into his back so Dean turned towards him and opened his green eyes halfway. He gently patted the empty space next to him.

"I don't sleep." Castiel replied to the motion.

"I don't care. Lay with me."

The angel followed the instructions and shrugged off his trench coat before sliding next to Dean. He lay flat on his back staring at the red ceiling. Dean sighed and cuddled up closer to his angel on his side. His body curled towards the angel's curves and he slung an arm across the strong chest. The human fell asleep moments later accompanied by the angel's warmth and smell. Dean didn't hear Castiel's small whisper of _I love you._


End file.
